Potty Training {almost killed me}

Transitioning back home from working in an office is quite the adjustment. The pros: no more 5:30 morning alarm, no dress code, no morning commute. Cons: being employed by a tiny boss who still poops his pants. Lest you think that working-from-home is all rainbows and pedicures, I feel the need to share my potty training saga. I heard a grandmother state the other day that 'everyone thinks they're great parents with one child'. Word. I don't even remember potty training my oldest...it just happened! Most credit goes to his preschool teachers at the time, but it was so painless. When it came time to do the same with his little brother, I puffed my chest out, pulled out the M&M's and confidently stripped my child naked. I would employ all the same tactics used on Wyatt and we'd experience the same results. Underwear, we're coming for you!

Eight excruciating months (and hundreds of over-priced Pull Ups) later, and we were no closer to having a child who would use the potty. Don't get me wrong, he'd use it long enough to receive a treat or reward. And just when he lulled you into a false sense of success, he'd crap his pants...in public...on the playground...down the slide. Or climb up in the waiting room chair at the Mac store, pee his pants, and sit in his urine without breathing a word until he stands up and leaves a noticeable puddle in the chair. One day in particular sent me over the proverbial edge. I was downstairs one morning and realized that I hadn't heard anything upstairs for several minutes. The dreaded toddler silence. I climbed the stairs where the boys' bathroom sits at the top of. My nostrils were stung by a foreign, awful odor escaping under the door. I walked into the bathroom and almost slipped and fell immediately. What was I stepping in?! It wasn't poop, it must be pee...I looked over to see a bottle of Clorox spray sitting on the ground. I began to survey the rest of my surroundings. There was poop EV-ER-Y-WHERE. Emmett had apparently pooped in his underwear, gone to the bathroom, sat down on the floor to remove soiled underwear, then sat on the potty. He'd left a trail of poop all over the bathroom: floor, walls, toilet seat. Recognizing that he'd created quite a mess, he decided to 'clean it up'. The entire bathroom was coated in human poop and bleach. I stood in the middle of it all and my only thought was "I have no clue about parenting". Not in a defeated, wanting to crumble into tears kind of way. More in a shockingly dumbfounded way.

Never again will I dole out potty training advice. I can't even begin to count the number of Hot Wheels cars that little dictator now possesses. Don't let your friend's potty trained one-and-a-half year old discourage you. That's just not in the cards for all of us. Hang in there mama's, there is always light at the end of the tunnel! Emmett only wets his bed every other night now ;)

The year I pressed pause.

In June of 2017 I found myself four years down the road of ministry and fighting for air. My insides felt like a can of Coke that had been shaken and were ready to burst. I wasn't sleeping, kept awake by anxiety; mind racing with thoughts of things left undone, what the next day would bring. Mornings were a two hour sprint to get out the door: who could out-scream who, just trying not to be late! I felt like a failure as a mom, wife and employee. Life took a major shift after having my second child, and the hasty six weeks of maternity leave that I took didn't help. I returned to work, put my head down and forged ahead for the next two years...I could feel the ground slipping beneath me. Life was moving too quickly and I felt like I was being left behind. My response was to look for someone to blame. My husband was usually the target: receiving outbursts of anger and frustration that seemingly came from nowhere. After months of prayer, I decided to leave my position. My heart ached for the wonderful women I would be leaving. They had been a lifeline during those difficult years of figuring out motherhood. I was also terrified. In many ways, work was a respite. On especially challenging days with my boys, it was a tremendous relief to drop them off at their classroom doors and know that someone with more patience than I possessed would take care of them. What was I going to do ALL day long with those two boys?!?

I left my job knowing that I wanted to have a Summer with my oldest before he entered Kindergarten. The first week after quitting work, we headed to Nashville to stay with friends. The boys swam and played with their 'Tennessee friends' and I began to see the potential for what our days could look like. I could check my email without feeling anxiety for what might be waiting. We didn't have to set 5:30 AM alarms. Dinner didn't have to be a race to bedtime. I began to feel my body taking deeper, slower breaths. We could do this. The same year that I left my job, we also took a break from being in a small group. The previous four years had been spent in groups, which we'd found lifegiving friendships through, but the weekly commitment had begun to feel like another shackle in our daily life. Releasing the stress of lining up babysitting each week, along with making sure our 'homework' was done, gave us another element of freedom.

We also made a conscious decision to not fill our social calendar. For many years both my husband and I would have a sense of panic if the weekend was approaching and we didn't have some plans in place. Those social engagements began to feel suffocating in that season of busyness. We learned how to be homebodies. How to find fun and adventure together. I really believe that our foursome has gotten closer in the last year. Editing out some of the outside influences allowed our own voices to become sharper and clearer to each other.

The last year has given me freedom...the thing that I fought most of my life for and felt like I lost as a wife and mother. I still work, but it's on my own terms and timeframe. I have time for myself now. I didn't even realize how much I truly needed to carve out some time every week to be alone in my car with the music cranked up, or to get my nails done or have lunch with a friend. I was a deflated
balloon that has slowly found oxygen, expanding with each breath. Finding life and having space to expand. I've also learned to take each invitation under review. I try not to give responses right away, but rather check the calendar, talk to my husband and sit on it for a few days. I've learned that it is absolutely ok to say no! It doesn't mean you don't care about that person/event. It doesn't mean you'll never be invited again (although you might) and there will be more opportunities. Our time is a precious commodity. I feel very protective of mine. I want each moment to be meaningful. I'm so grateful for this time I've had to sort of shrink into the shadows. I've gotten to know myself as a mom better. I've spent time learning my boys and what they need from me each day. And I've been able to release any of the blame I placed on my husband during those frustrating years. We are back in a Community Group and I'm slowly saying 'yes' to more things. But it all feels very different this time around. I want to say yes! Instead of dreading each commitment, I'm grateful for the opportunities I have been offered. 

Sauteed Balsamic Tilapia Dinner

I absolutely love the Publix Apron meals!  I've tried a number of their recipes and we've enjoyed every single one.  If you're not familiar with this program, they have a recipe that they feature each week, which they give out samples of and have the recipe card and ingredients all grouped together.  It's a simple way to make a delicious home made meal if you're in a hurry or have run out of creative dinner ideas.  I found this recipe the other day and it's a new favorite! I adapted it a little bit to what was on sale that week and it still tasted great.  Besides the fact that this dish is full of flavor, I love it because it's quick and doesn't require a ton of ingredients.

Ingredient list:

4 Tilapia filets
8 oz. Tomato Trinity Mix (this is the name of the fresh diced onion, red & green bell pepper at Publix)
1 lemon
I box of penne pasta
5 tablespoons basil pesto (I used
1/2 cup vegetable broth
1/2 cup balsamic vinegar
2 teaspoons salt-free garlic/herb seasoning (feel free to use more for added flavor on the fish)
1 tablespoon oil (calls for Canola, but I used Grapeseed and it was great!)
Grated parmesan cheese (optional)

Steps:

1. Bring pot of water to a boil for the pasta.  Stir penne into boiling water and cook for 5 minutes.
2. Reduce heat to low, simmer for another 3-4 minutes until pasta is tender.  Drain water and then stir in  4 tablespoons pesto, 1/2 of trinity mix, lemon zest, and lemon juice.  Remove pan from heat and cover; set aside.
3. Preheat large non stick saute pan on medium-high for 2-3 minutes.  Season fish on both sides with garlic/herb seasoning.  Place oil in pan, then add fish.  Cook for 1-2 minutes or until fish is lightly browned.  Turn fish over.
4. Combine broth, vinegar, remaining trinity mix, and 2 tablespoons pesto.  Add to fish, cook 2-3 minutes or until mixture reduces by about one half and fish flakes easily.  Serve over penne and sprinkle with parmesan cheese (optional).

Black Bean & Sweet Potato Enchiladas

When Ben and I started dating, he was living in Abingdon, VA for work and we have such fond memories of that (very) little town.  Abingdon doesn't have a lot of restaurants, but we found several that were really excellent and one of my absolute favorites was a place called Harvest Table.  It is tucked away in the town square of Meadowview, VA and is a true 'farm to table' restaurant. Everything is grown, caught and raised, either locally, or regionally.  Because of their commitment to local farms, their menu is very seasonal.  I loved walking in and finding out what their specials were that day!

I found a staple item that I couldn't get enough of!  I also couldn't find it anywhere else...they had a black bean and sweet potato burrito that was unreal.  It was full of unique flavors!  Ben and I soon got married and he moved to Nashville, thus ending our leisurely lunches at Harvest Table, but I couldn't get that burrito out of my mind!  I started making a black bean, sweet potato and quinoa chili and became more comfortable with that flavor profile in my own kitchen.  I decided to experiment one day and attempted to replicate that burrito with my own twist.  We now call these 'Abingdon Enchiladas' and I love the memories that come flooding back of that time with Ben whenever we enjoy this meal!

One of my favorite things about this recipe is it's simplicity.  It requires a handful of ingredients, but delivers big flavor!  It's also waistline friendly and freezable, so feel free to cook up multiple batches and throw in the freezer for a night you're short on time or hosting a dinner.

Abingdon Enchiladas

Ingredients:

• 1 large sweet potato
• 1 can of black beans
• 1 small sweet onion (or half of a medium size)
• 1 large jar verde salsa
• 1 cup feta cheese
• 2 cups shredded pepper jack
• 2 sliced avocados
• 1/2 cup chopped cilantro
• salt 
• pepper
• 1 tsp cumin
• 1/4 cup olive oil
• 8 flour tortillas (I use whole wheat)

Preheat oven to 425 degrees. While the oven's heating, chop up your veggies. After cleaning the sweet potato, cut it up into small pieces (I leave the skin on, but you can certainly peel the potatoes if you enjoy doing more work ;)  Dice the onion, and throw into a baking dish with the sweet potatoes. Toss together with olive oil, cumin, salt and pepper. Cover and bake until everything is very soft, usually about 30 minutes.

While that's in the oven, drain and rinse the black beans in a colander. I'll usually grate my cheese and chop my cilantro at this point as well.  Once the potatoes are done, it's time to assemble.  Scoop a generous helping of the potato/onion mixture into a tortilla.  Add an equal serving of black beans. Sprinkle in as much feta as you like.  Wrap the tortilla up, leaving the ends open, and place in a greased baking dish. Repeat until you've used your tortillas (or run out of space in your dish). If you still have some of the bean/potatoes/onions left, feel free to spoon around the edges of the dish.  Next, pour the verde salsa all over the enchiladas.  Then sprinkle the pepper jack cheese across the middle of your enchiladas.  Feel free to add more if you're a cheese lover!

At this point you can freeze for later, or pop in the oven at 375 for about 15 minutes, or until the cheese gets nice and bubbly.  I serve with sliced avocado and fresh cilantro on top, sometimes the hubby adds sour cream as well.  This dish is SO tasty, but not heavy and wonderful with some grilled corn or asparagus.  

Enjoy!

Easy and Healthy Weeknight Dinners

These are two of my favorite recipes, mainly because they're easy, affordable, healthy and make delicious leftovers!  I'm incapable of making portion-appropriate size meals for my family, so it's perfect when I find recipes that are still tasty when eaten later because we will without a doubt, have leftovers.  These recipes are great to make the same week because there's some crossover in ingredients, so you can buy the black beans, vegetable broth, onion, olive oil, cumin all at once!  I discovered both of them on Pinterest, and they've become staples in our home.  

First up, we have a Black Bean, Sweet Potato and Quinoa Chili.  This is one of the most flavorful and filling vegetarian meals that I've found.  I love any recipe that doesn't require a lot of prep or  'watching' and this one definitely doesn't.  Once you've thrown all your ingredients in the pot, you can get back to doing other things. Here's the link to the original recipe at the Ambitious Kitchen.  
Ingredients:

• 1 small onion, diced
• 1 teaspoon olive oil
• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• 1/2 teaspoon turmeric
• 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
• pinch of nutmeg
• 1 teaspoon cumin
• 2 teaspoons chili powder
• 1 teaspoon Smoked Chipotle Tabasco sauce
• salt, to taste
• 1 can (15.5 oz) low-sodium tomato sauce
• 2 cups cooked quinoa
• 2 can black beans (15.5 oz), drained
• 4 cups low-sodium vegetable stock, plus more to thin if desired
• 1 large sweet potato, peeled and diced into small cubes

The original recipe calls for carrots as well, but having made it both ways, I just prefer it without. I also don't peel the sweet potato (I hate peeling and it looks a little more 'rustic').  I usually start by getting my quinoa cooking and once that's going, I start chopping the onion and cutting the sweet potato.  Here's the step-by-step instructions:
1. Heat the olive-oil in a pot over medium heat.  Add onions, garlic and salt and cook until onions become translucent.
2. Add tomato sauce, followed by the black beans, vegetable stock, quinoa and all the spices.  Bring to a boil, turn down to medium heat and then add the sweet potatoes.  
3. Cover and simmer for about 30 minutes, or until the potatoes are tender.  Taste and adjust seasoning to your liking. 

I end up freezing about half the chili and have an awesome meal just waiting for a day that I don't feel like cooking.  The hubby even likes this vegetarian recipe, which is not always the case ;)

Next up we have a healthy Chicken and Black Bean Casserole.  This one comes from Six Sister's Stuff and is so delicious!  I like to use leftovers from roasted chicken for this recipe.  This is a great casserole to take to new mommy's as it's not pasta based and has lots of yummy veggies.

Ingredients:

• 2/3 cup brown rice
• 1 cup vegetable or chicken broth
• 1 tablespoon olive oil
• 1/3 cup diced onion
• 2 medium zucchini, thinly sliced
• 2 cups pulled roasted chicken or 2 cooked skinless chicken breast halves
• 1/2 cup sliced mushrooms
• 1/2 teaspoon cumin
• salt to taste
• ground cayenne pepper to taste
• 1 15 oz. can of black beans, drained and rinsed
• 1 4 oz. can of diced green chiles, drained
• 1-2 cups shredded cheese (cheddar, swiss or monterey jack are all great options!)

1. Start by combing the rice and broth in a pot and bringing to a boil.  Reduce heat to low, cover and simmer for 45 mins, or until rice is tender.
2. Preheat oven to 350 degrees and grease a casserole dish.
3. Heat the olive oil over medium heat and cook the onions until translucent.  Add the zucchini, mushrooms and chicken.  Season with spices and cook until zucchini is lightly browned and chicken is heated through.
4. In a large bowl, mix zucchini, chicken, mushrooms, cooked rice, black beans and chiles with half the cheese.  Transfer to casserole dish and sprinkle the rest of the cheese on top of the casserole. Cover with foil and bake for 30 minutes covered.  Remove foil and cook another 10 minutes uncovered. I liked to add a little sour cream and jalapenos for myself once it's served :)  This is another dish that's great the next couple of days. I've made it without chicken and it's still really tasty!  

Happy Cooking!